Becoming Michael Novotny
by CassieAggie
Summary: When life's journey takes you on roads you never knew existed


**Becoming Michael Novotny**

_When life's journey takes you on roads you never knew existed_

"_Imagine me and you, I do, I think about you day and night, it's only right – to think about the girl you love – to hold her tight, so happy together…."_

Michael never got the words to that silly song, didn't grasp them. He was in his teens when that song was a huge hit. Later, when he was roughly 15 he would always change the words to sing "…_to think about the boy you love, to hold him tight_…" and then it made perfect sense.

His mother would hear him singing along and have a chuckle when he changed the lyrics to suit his own thoughts and desires. She had known for quite some time that her son was gay and was happy to sit down with him that year and discuss it on a mature level. It helped that his Uncle Vic was also gay. The only thing that concerned Michael's mother was his developing crush on his best friend Brian Kinney. Brian was trouble with a capital T and she always thought Michael would be led astray, maybe before he was ready to fully jump in and understand his homosexuality. Brian Kinney was running around leering after boys from a much younger age; and in truth, it was probably the reason the two boys became such good pals.

Debbie's fears grew as she sensed Michael's love for Brian growing but at the same time, Brian's need for constant physical attachment saw him with one boy after another; with no emotional entanglement, just straight-out sex. That's where he and Michael differed greatly; Michael was searching for that one true love, a guy who would accept him, love him, understand him and make love to him – not the kind of sex that Brian had on a nightly basis and with whomever the lucky trick was that night. It became clear early on that Brian had no desire to be with Michael in that way; but in a way, it made his relationship with Michael even more special – he didn't feel worthy of Michael's love and so he vowed he would only ever keep Michael in his heart in their 'special' way and that sex would never come between them, never tear them apart. Of course he often wondered what it would be like to have Michael but he made a silent promise to himself that it would never happen.

Michael had a few short-lived romances with different boys and then young men but no one ever quite measured up to his ideals; or more truthfully – to Brian. Debbie would watch him fall in and out of love so easily and it broke her heart each and every time Michael would make up some excuse as to why that particular guy didn't measure up; all the while knowing the truth and also knowing Michael would never find what he was looking for, because Brian Kinney was a one-off; they broke the mould with Brian.

As Michael got older and reality set in that he and Brian would only ever be best friends, he promised himself to stop comparing every guy he met to Brian. The trouble was, every time he met someone it appeared Brian didn't like them and would go out of his way to make trouble in the relationship. Everyone around Michael was aware of this yet he stayed oblivious to it all - until David came along.

Debbie was thrilled to meet David Cameron. An older successful doctor who seemed completely taken with her son, she thought finally her son had a real chance at happiness; and they were happy for a long time – despite Brian's best efforts to make waves early on. David didn't like Brian and Brian despised David and Michael was caught in the middle but he fought hard to keep the relationship going even though some thought he compromised his true self in doing so. It seemed it was a lose/lose situation. Brian didn't like the person Michael had become with David. David wanted a mature 'partner' and not some cut-out who lusted after his best friend and wasn't giving 100% to their relationship. Debbie wanted Michael to settle down and take what David was offering… it seemed everyone had an opinion on that relationship and in the end Michael wasn't sure who he was trying to please – he only knew _he_ wasn't happy.

When David asked Michael to go away with him he thought long and hard about that decision. It had been a huge step for him to even move in with David just a few short months earlier, but to give up his entire life and move across country with David seemed like a momentous gesture and not one he could take lightly. He decided to go but even before he was due to leave he was having second and third thoughts which should have given him an indication of his real beliefs in that relationship.

He loved David and he was sure that David loved him; he just wasn't sure he was in the relationship for the right reasons and the same could be said of David also. Michael needed someone in his life and he thought at 30 years of age he was lucky to have found someone like David and maybe that was his last chance to truly have a life worth living. David had been married and had a son before coming out of the closet and then lost his one true love, Mac and needed to fill that void. When Michael entered his life he swept Michael up in his fantasy and held on with both hands. He had nagging doubts from the very beginning and he knew Michael did too but he somehow thought that love would see them through.

When Justin was attacked and Michael was needed at home he put aside his move to Portland with David which proved to be the undoing of their relationship. David felt second-rate to Michael's friends – in particular, Brian – and it played on him. When Michael eventually got to Portland it became apparent almost immediately that they each wanted different things from the union. David wanted a partner – someone to come home to, to fill his nights, to love him, support him. Michael wanted a new life. He had left behind his old life, everything known to him. He wanted this move to be a challenge – a bright shiny beginning to the next chapter in his life. In reality, he couldn't find work; David was never home – he missed his friends and family and he missed Brian.

The relationship went from bad to worse and eventually Michael walked away – after a more than subtle push from David.

So Michael was back at home, with his family, his old job, his Brian. He also felt a complete failure; for failing to make the situation work with David; for not making the best of his opportunities and blaming David for that and for not standing up to the hand being dealt to him and staying true to himself.

Debbie was upset that things hadn't worked out with Michael and David and she blamed Brian in a lot of ways but she also knew her son played a huge part because he had never really known or understood what it was he wanted or needed in life. He had always let others dictate to him how to live his life. That needed to change.

Some time later when Michael had a 'light-bulb' moment and bought his beloved comic book store, it appeared that Michael Novotny was finally coming into his own. He had stopped placing calls to Portland and hanging up; he had stopped thinking about the past and the what-ifs – he vowed to concentrate on his future. Brian was happy and in love with Justin (although he would never admit that) and finally Michael felt his life was leading him on a path that he himself had chosen – and not as a result of someone else's doing or persuasion.

Enter one Professor Ben Bruckner. The doorbell chimed and love walked through the door. In an instant Michael's life changed.

Life itself as Michael knew it right up until the moment Ben announced that he was HIV positive had ended and somehow Michael's destiny was clearly written. A lapse in judgement had occurred when Michael let the influence of his friends and family steer him away from the man he ultimately knew was his one great love but only for a brief moment… and then it was as though life stood still for Michael and Ben – they let the wave of love and emotion take them over and got swept up in it, letting it take them where neither of them had ever been before, nor would they ever find that again with anyone else. From that moment on it was only ever just the two of them.

Set-backs and tragedies and turmoil blended into their lives but with each, came a part of the fabric that became their history – their lives, to be looked back upon with great fondness and love.

When Hunter entered their lives it made their circle complete and it appeared that now, they had enough love to share with another – not just wholly themselves. For a long time Michael's body ached at the thought of ever losing Ben. He would lie awake at night and try to shut out feelings of desperation, thoughts of living his life without Ben made him shudder to the core; he didn't think it was possible to love another person this much. But when Hunter entered their lives, Michael became aware of another kind of love – a love that didn't deplete what he felt for Ben but only strengthened it, added to it.

Michael and Ben's marriage was a turning point in Michael's life like no other had been before it. He knew with his whole being that he was now who he was always meant to be and he was with the one person in the entire universe that made him feel special, worthy, alive.

Michael was now a person he could live with happily and he knew that no matter what life brought to him he could deal with it and know that he was a better person for any adversity that might shadow his step.

Michael Novotny-Bruckner was the man he always wanted to be.

_The End_


End file.
